August Advent, part 8: Music

Music helps me to wait with hope.

Today I laughed a little, I smiled a little, yet most of the day I felt overwhelmed by the new logistical legwork (where to go and wait, and for how long and at what cost) and the number of what-if scenarios regarding school, housing, work, etc. if these visas take much longer to process. We’re trying to include the kids as much as we can in these decision processes of where to wait and what to do while we’re in this liminal space. We think it’s good to hear their voices, thoughts, feelings, etc.

So while we did have some laughter and fun at mini-golf and bowling, underlying these smiles was the heaviness of uncertainty. And even though these feelings work themselves out in a number of ways, our kids ARE AMAZING at all of this limbo. I thank God for them. Yet I’ve told God it’s tough for me. I stress at trying to figure out what’s best for them in this time.

Tonight I turned to some music to help me Advent (wait with hope). Music that not only calms and brings clarity, yet music with which I have a history. One flamenco song, in particular, has journeyed with me since working amidst burned out homes in Kosovo in 1999. I’ve known the song longer than Courtney! I’ve listened to this song on mountain tops and ocean shores; on balconies in war zones and by fountains in beautiful cities; I’ve listened to this song during before we got married and when Courtney was in labor.

This song started out as stunning, captivating, and calming, and because of my history with it, I listen to it at significant transitions in my life to remind me of the bigger picture and the larger storyline of God’s faithfulness.

A few weeks ago I listened to this song as I sat at the Nubble Lighthouse and watched the waves crash on the rocks - not sure the future, yet thankful for God’s faithfulness throughout the past.

I listened to it tonight because I needed the reminder of God’s faithfulness amidst the uncertainty. I needed to calm down my head and heart as they traveled down the numerous what-if scenarios.

In this time of ‘before’ this next I need to remember that there will be an ‘after’ this next step. And the God who has faithfully abided through all the stories of the past will continue to abide through all things.

Two parts of scripture that come to mind are Exodus and the Psalms. In Psalm 139 paints a picture of God who goes before and behind and on all sides. In Exodus, responding to Moses’ query about a guarantee for God’s faithfulness, God replies something like, “When you’ve come out of all these things you will worship me at this place.”

No guarantee going in to things - yet a promise that you will come through things.

I wonder what music carries you through life’s transitions. I wonder what music might remind you of God’s faithfulness, what music might call you back from the edge of anxiety, doubt, and fear, what song can re-center and re-align your life, not with a guarantee, yet in a promise of hope.

I don’t know if that makes sense or resonates with you, yet it’s what I’m able to type tonight after a long day.